Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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