wanna go halves on a baby?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
