You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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