And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
