I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
