I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm getting married
To pizza
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
