she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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