I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
