I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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