yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
