Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
