if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
