I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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