bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
