It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
