Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
