I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He shit in the fireplace
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
