there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
