this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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