I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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