I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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