Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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