ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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