May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
