you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
