She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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