I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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