party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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