I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
