but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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