why didn't you poke me back
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
