I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
