someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize