you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
