I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
