do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
