I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
