Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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