There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You pole danced in your parka.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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