You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
