At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
