Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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