I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
