She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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