She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
