question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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