GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
