Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
