On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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