dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
