You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
