I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I need to align my fucking chakras
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
