I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
