My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
