i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
