Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
