OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
