My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
