I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
