Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
