how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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