sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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