Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
