You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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