just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
