My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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