i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
