omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I could make wine with my vomit
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
