He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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